As a creature of emotion, there was something odd that happened to me today. Something which I would like to share with you, and something that I believe every single one of us will experience at some point in our lives.
This evening, I took my motorcycle out for a ride. For the majority of the day, it was about 30 degrees Celsius (or 86 degrees Fahrenheit), making it a little too hot to handle to drive during the day with all your protective gear on. I was in dire need to get my mind off of some things, and going for a drive is one way for me to bring some peace and quiet to my mind.
After 45 minutes driving, I saw how the sun was slowly lowering towards the horizon. I found myself driving the twisty roads on the dikes along the rivers. The dikes provided an incredible elevated view over the Dutch landscape. And with a large number of water bodies along the roads, the reflection of the sun provided a magical sparkle throughout the entire journey.
With an amazing evening ride, I started to feel a little odd. With the sun setting in the distance, I felt this strong urge to chase the sun. The skies were clear, and my only focus point was the orange sphere millions of kilometres away from us.
I opened the throttle, leaned in the corners, and did whatever I could to catch up with the setting sun. Turning left and right here and there, rushing through the Dutch streets and landscapes, I could only see the sun setting faster and faster. With every passing second, my heart started to beat faster and faster. No matter how fast I rode, I could simply not keep up.
After 20 minutes of chasing the sun, I found myself at an outlook with an open view overlooking the Dutch landscape. I grabbed the brakes, slowed down the bike, and came to full stop. I parked the bike on the side of the street, out of harms way from other traffic. I got off the bike, sat down on the grassy slope, and just stared in the distance.
And that odd feeling I experienced? Well, that was an overwhelming wave of loneliness. For the 20 minutes that I was rushing myself, I have not felt any lonelier in my life. Though the sun was giving me its warmth, I felt a freezing void inside of me. Emptiness, loneliness, sadness.. just a few adjectives to describe my state of being.
However, in this unpleasant state of being, I noticed one small thing. A small seedling sprouted at the bottom of this void. Though I didn’t ask for it to be there, I understood that I was still responsible for it. I needed to nurture it to make sure it could survive and grow in a world that felt nothing but the worst.
And eventually I realised.. that small seedling is me. I was looking inside of myself for a reason to hold on. It was not easy to grasp the concept of myself needing the nurture to grow. The void represents the world. And I am the only one who is responsible for my life.
Now, as I mentioned at the start, I do believe that every single one of us will experience a similar at some point in our lives. It is, and always will be, a difficult process to go through. I was fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of my seedling. But I can image that not everyone has the same perspective or maturity to see the same within themselves. That’s why I wanted to share this with you.
Though live may take us through the empty void of our own soul, know that you are not alone in this. Let my story be an inspiration for you to help yourself overcome these darker times.
And with that said, I would like to end this blog post with a piece of art:
You stroked my life
The warmth of your existence
I followed you
Chased you down
Along the river
Through the meadow
Time and space
A race against the clock
The more I tried
The less it mattered
I can’t reach you
I don’t know how
Don’t leave me
I need you…
…
All that remains
A memory
Of what once was
What’s left?
A lost soul
An empty road
Loneliness creeping in
Down the chasms
The cold abyss
I found you
Hi there
Don’t worry
I’m here for you
Let’s find a way
A way to get out